Writing My Story
“Readers come to books for many reasons, but ultimately they’re looking for wisdom. That’s something writers can offer only after we’ve accrued it, like scar tissue, usually by surviving things we didn’t want to deal with—a process otherwise known as aging.”
A colleague of mine has started writing a memoir of moments from her life that have shaped the woman she has become. A friend’s husband has recently self-published a murder mystery and is now working on a historical tome that is already over a 1,000 pages long. Daily Om, one of my favourite sites for online courses, offers over 15 writing courses ranging from How to Write Your First Book to Heal Your Grief and Loss Through Writing.
What is this obsession or need to put thoughts to paper – or on a computer screen? My motivation today differs greatly from my childhood days when all I wanted was to see my name on a book cover! I had pages full of book ideas, character descriptions and plot lines but I didn’t actually want to write, I just wanted to have written. What I wanted was to be published – without doing the writing to make that happen!
And while I never considered myself a writer back then, I did write. I kept a diary. You probably had one too – pink, dainty, with a lock and key that gave us the false security of confidentiality. A diary filled with precious secrets of crushes and friendships. Then, during my high school years and well into my university days I kept journals – pages and pages of doom and gloom as I traversed a sad and lonely adolescence. Several years ago I threw away all these journals, something I regret now. But the pain and the wallowing in self pity became too much to read and I thought their destruction would somehow free me. Instead, I feel a void and I’m sorry I didn’t hang on to those stories of my life.
During this same time, before the advent of emails and social media, I also wrote long letters to friends scattered afar. We called them coffee letters with the understanding that when a letter arrived in the mail, it was time to make a cup of coffee or tea and snuggle in to read pages and pages of life updates – university, dates, fights with parents and struggles to gain our independence. Then, a few years later, when I began my career, much of my work time was spent doing research and writing reports. I left behind the heartache and emotions and my writing became focused instead on facts and analysis.
I have now circled back to writing and, despite never being published, I consider myself a writer. Why? I have a need to dig deep into my inner world and outer world, and to share this journey. While others do this through poetry, art, dance….. I can do this best through written words.
What does that mean for me? I want to explore the journey of my life to becoming a ‘woman of a certain age’ – and the journey that lies ahead. I want to reflect on the opportunities and challenges we have created for ourselves, along with those that society has thrown our way. I want to focus on this stage of our lives as a journey and not a destination. Two years ago, when I was walking along the Portuguese Camino, I realized that I have lived much of my life heading to the next destination. The Camino opened my eyes to the importance of the journey. While walking, I was focused on each step, on every new view and on the people I encountered. I enjoyed moving in a slow and thoughtful way through my days, not hurrying to the next hotel. I’m feeling the same about life these days. I am tired of people asking me if I plan to retire – it sounds too much like a destination. Actually it feels like the end of the line! This is such a vibrant and exciting time in the lives of older women – we still have so much to enjoy, explore and learn. That’s what I want to write about!
I want to write about how my past has shaped my present.
The beginning of our lives matter greatly. Joan Didion wrote, “I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 am of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.”
I want to write with wonder and curiosity. Parker J. Palmer, a writer, activist, founder of the Center for Courage and Renewal - and one of my favourite humans suggests “…writing about what you want to know because it intrigues and baffles you...” And there is so much I want to discover and learn.
I want to write to explore my world and my beliefs. I want to examine the great questions of our time with imagination, joy and courage, similar to Krista Tippett, author of Becoming Wise: An Inquiry Into the Mystery and Art of Living and founder of On Being.
I want to write from a place of wisdom and truth speaking.
There comes a time in life when we recognize the wisdom we have accumulated. At around the same time, we have this growing awareness that if we don’t speak the truth, as we know it, then we are doing an injustice to ourselves and to others. I have stories to tell. We all have stories to tell. As Patrick Rothfuss writes “…all the truth in the world is held in stories”.
Are you also exploring the journey into aging? What intrigues you? What stories do you want to tell?