Who knew disenchantment was a phase of retirement?

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Retirement is no longer seen as a one-time event and can be a bumpy ride. A huge life transition, it can take a while to adjust. For some people, it takes a few months. For others, it can take years!

Torrential rain has been pelting our metal roof. I am eager to begin gardening as blossoms fall from our Japanese plum tree. But my footsteps are heavy as I try to walk across our property through the mud and waters from the overflowing pond. Gardening will have to wait.

Inside, I wander aimlessly from room to room. I begin reading The Heart of Winter, then put it down, unable to concentrate on the words. I begin sorting through boxes of old photos. They do not hold my attention. I consider digging out my sewing machine. I want to make matching quilts for my granddaughter and the new baby joining our family in May. I decide to save that for another day. Instead, my husband and I binge episodes of Paradise on the Disney channel as the rain keeps falling. 

Contentment seems to have abandoned me these last few months. Initially, I had put it down to the weather, my aching knee, and the current political unrest. None of those felt like the right reasons. The answer began to reveal itself last week when my husband shared that he had been thinking about what life would have been like if we had stayed on the mainland. He had been restless lately, not sleeping well. Now I began to understand why. Lately, island life has not been as idyllic as we had anticipated. We miss our friends. We are feeling isolated. We are bored. We find winter on the island dark and gloomy. This is not what we had envisioned in retirement.

Accompanying this, I feel guilty. We should be living the dream. We are financially secure. We have the freedom to do what we want when we want. We have both taken on volunteer work we are passionate about. And we are the envy of many, living on an island. 

So what gives?

I retired during the pandemic but kept busy with projects until my husband’s retirement eighteen months ago. We were excited to pack up our mainland home and finally, after twenty years of dreaming, move to our island home. We knew retirement would be an adjustment. Everyone told us the hardest would be shifting from full-on work to full-on retirement. So, we put plans into place to stay busy as we stepped into this transition. We spent the first few months in Europe. After coming home for Christmas, we headed off again for Vietnam and Bali. Then, the summer months were busy with visits from family and friends. We were looking forward to finally settling into a routine in the fall - long walks, volunteering, weekly lunch at the pub, gardening, and delving into new projects. The first few months flowed along smoothly. There was no need to set the alarm clock. We hit the road when the mood struck. We had few responsibilities. However, something began to dim as the year drew to a close.

As I usually do when unsure about what I am feeling, I turn to the internet. Googling, ‘Why am I feeling dissatisfied with retirement?’ led me to this:

Disenchantment is the stage of retirement when the initial excitement wears off, and you may experience boredom or disappointment.

Stages of retirement? Who knew! I thought our careful planning had prepared us for the coming years! 

So, how many stages are there to retirement? Internet sources suggest three, four, five, and six phases. The following are the four phases I envision: vacation, disenchantment, reorientation, and stability.

Vacation Phase: This initial phase is also called the honeymoon phase. A time to abandon routine, sleep in, travel, do what we want, and answer to no one but ourselves. This phase may begin to lose its lustre after twelve to eighteen months. And here I thought the next twenty to thirty years would feel like a vacation! Also good to know my husband and I were right on track moving into the next retirement phase.

Disenchantment Phase: During this phase, 85 - 90% of us feel aimless, bored, restless, and disillusioned. Riley Moynes, author of The Four Phases of Retirement: What to Expect When You Retire, considers this the most challenging and dangerous phase. Moynes writes, “This is when we lose The Big 5…we lose that routine…sense of identity…relationships, sense of purpose, and for some people a loss of power.” Dangerous? Moynes writes that this is the phase of the three D’s: Divorce, Depression and Decline, both physical and mental.  “The result of all of this is we can feel like we’ve been hit by a bus.” I told my husband about the disenchantment phase and how common it is. I could see his body relax, a sense of relief that he is not alone.

Reorientation Phase: My husband and I are cautiously exploring this next phase. We know we need clarity, realistic expectations and clear goals. We are so close to living our dream. We are discussing what is not working and what we are missing. And we are taking our time, not making drastic, quick decisions. As we do this, we will focus on self-care - short trips, time together and apart, and visits with friends and family. Somewhere along the way, we forgot about the importance of relationships beyond just the two of us. This will be a key area we explore.

Stability Phase: Eventually, we will move into a new normal with a clearer sense of purpose, balance, and contentment. 

Moynes writes, “Only about 50 to 60% of retirees break through to (the stability phase). Not everyone gets there. But for the people who do, it is magic to see. Those are some of the happiest, most productive, satisfied, and gratified people I have ever met.”

What has been your retirement experience - for those of you who are retired? Has disenchantment been part of your retirement journey? Do you have any tips to give the rest of us?