The Lioness In Winter
When she started working with older adults, geriatric social worker, Ann Burack-Weiss, began storing the knowledge and skills she thought would help when she got old herself. In The Lioness In Winter: Writing An Old Woman’s Life, she wrote that it was not until she hit her mid-seventies that she realized she had packed sneakers to climb Mount Everest, not anticipating the crevices and chasms that constitute the rocky terrain of old age. The professional gerontological and social work literature offered little help, so she turned to the late-life works of beloved women authors.
This book speaks to me as a woman about to turn sixty-six, excited about the years ahead. A woman who now, only occasionally wears make-up and no longer wears a bra unless it will make someone else uncomfortable. A woman who enjoys the company of other women and the deep conversations that result. A woman who, for years, felt she did not belong but now recognizes she has many kindred spirits.
Burack-Weiss found these older famed women authors had something interesting to say about aging. She recognized that this writing could open up gateways into our own thinking about aging. “The(se) authors do not flinch from the lived experience,” she wrote. “Neither do they content themselves with simple description. Their experiences are placed within the context of all they have been, done, read and thought - up to and including the present moment. It is assimilated into their emerging identities - the ongoing story of who they are now.”
Burack-Weiss began working on the book at 70 and published it at 78. She was 74 when her husband died. This was followed by the illnesses and deaths of close friends, followed by a host of personal physical problems, until at 78, she fell and sustained pelvic fractures.
The losses she experienced and her own aging journey shifted the story. Rather than focusing only on quotes and her gerontological knowledge, she responded with her thoughts and feelings and the book ‘evolved into a hybrid memoir and narrative analysis’.
She wrote in her introduction:
“An author tells her story. I answer with mine. And, it is hoped, the reader will chime in. A conversation begins.”
This year, my alumni writing group has accepted this invitation and will focus their life stories on growing older. From September to June, they will explore themes from The Lioness in Winter and share their stories with each other. We learn about this journey north from writing our stories and by listening to the stories of other women. “There comes a phrase or a paragraph that takes my breath away,” wrote Burack-Weiss in her introduction. “How could she possibly know and express so well what I am going through. Not only that, but her words lead me deeper into myself. Her story opens the door to mine.” That is the power of stories.
Some themes we will be exploring together include:
Who Is That Woman?
“I am, myself, three selves at least. To begin with, there is the child I was. Certainly I am not that child anymore! Yet, distantly, or sometimes not so distantly, I can hear that child’s voice—I can feel its hope, or its distress. It has not vanished. Powerful, egotistical, insinuating—its presence rises, in memory, or from the steamy river of dreams. It is not gone, not by a long shot. It is with me in the present hour. It will be with me in the grave.” - Mary Oliver
Looking Into The Full-Length Mirror
“Waking up in the morning, it was hit or miss whether I was going to make it to the bathroom in time to pee neatly. I sleep five rooms away and the misses were getting more frequent. God knows where all this pee comes from! I have tried everything, drinking nothing after six o’clock, eliminating salads for supper, and still. Honestly? I don’t care, it’s almost thrilling!” - Abigail Thomas
How We Are With Each Other
“In family relationships, we may be the caretakers and comforters, but our friends take care of us. The richness and joy of these relationships cannot be described in words. We can define wealth for women our age in terms of our time with close women friends.” - Martha Pipher
But Who Were They?
“I spent my whole life helping my mother carry around her psychic trunks like a bitter bellhop. So a great load was lifted when she died, and my life was much easier.” - Anne Lamott
My Map Of A Place
“We are a tight-knit family of two humans and five cats who live far out to sea on the land we have made fertile among our gardens and our woods. This is our chosen home. It has taken me a long time to arrive here and dig in. These are my wanderings in search of a place where I could write and be myself and have what I consider necessary.” - Marge Piercy
Interested In Big Things and Happy In Small Ways
“I am no longer driven. I no longer imagine that I can do much to help bring about the millennium of the humane ideal, or that I can change anything at all. I have relinquished my painful freight. I am free. I am permitted to enjoy myself. I have noticed that my laugh has changed, is more spontaneous, deeper.” - Marilyn French
Fierce With Reality
“You need only claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality. When at last age has assembled you together, will it not be easy to let it all go, lived, balanced, over?” - Florida Scott-Maxwell
Which of these themes resonate with you? If you were writing the life of an older woman, what would you write about?
Survey Results
Last month, I asked you what you would like to read about in my blog posts. Thank you for taking the time to respond!
Clearly, you prefer posts about the daily life of an older woman (90%) and how that relates to personal stories from my life (80%).
What blog topics interest you?
Wherever You Go, You Take Yourself With You (70%)
The Four Seasons of Retirement (60%) - which I wrote about last week.
Nostalgia: Past, Present and Future (40%)
I so appreciate that many of you wrote words similar to these from one respondent, “I love everything you write. Please keep writing and I'll keep on reading.” Thank you.
A few of you suggested other topics you might like to read about and I will make a note and explore them as I continue my blogging journey.