Grandma Brain
“The child of my child is twice my child.”
My daughter arrives today with her husband and my three-year-old granddaughter, a brief visit before they head home after a short holiday. If they weren’t popping in, I would be heading up island for a visit because I miss my granddaughter. My heart aches to see her. She is at an age when we can have wonderful conversations. She loves showing me her recent accomplishments. I am just as eager to hear about them. We snuggle, and at some point, she will hold my face between her hands and say, “I missed you, Omi.”
I was excited about her birth three years ago, looking forward to having a grandchild. I was not prepared for the depth of emotion I felt when I met her and as our relationship developed. How can I explain this newfound love? She has opened a part of my heart I did not know existed.
Now, I love my daughters. We have a strong bond, but it is not the same as what I feel for my granddaughter. And now I know why.
It is called grandma brain. Dr James Rilling, an anthropology professor and, interestingly, a leader in researching the neuroscience of fatherhood, led a research study at Emory University on the brains of older women. Scientists usually study the older human brain for problems related to dementia or other aging disorders. Not this study. Rillings’ study involved scanning the brains of 50 women as they viewed photos of their grandchildren, ages three to twelve, and photos of other children. This study, conducted in 2021, is just the beginning of exploring the biology of grandparents, an area Rillings says he considers “unexplored territory.”
So what did the study reveal? What is behind these deep emotions that I, like many of you, feel for our grandchildren?
Grandmothers are geared towards feeling what their grandchildren are feeling.
“What really jumps out in the data is the activation in areas of the brain associated with emotional empathy (when grandmothers view photos of their own grandchildren),” Rilling shared. “That suggests that grandmothers are geared towards feeling what their grandchildren are feeling when they interact with them. If their grandchild is smiling, they feel the child’s joy. And if their grandchild is crying, they feel the child’s pain and distress.”
Do my parents love my kids more than they love me?
The brains of grandmothers did not respond similarly when they viewed pictures of their adult children. Instead, cognitive empathy — which enables a person to understand what another is feeling and why —was activated. This suggests that they were trying to cognitively understand their adult child, rather than experiencing this more direct emotional connection. “Emotional empathy is when you’re able to feel what someone else is feeling, but cognitive empathy is when you understand at a cognitive level what someone else is feeling and why,” Rilling said.”
Dr. Jodi Pawluski, a neuroscientist, therapist and podcaster who writes about the Mom Brain, wrote that a friend shared a Greek saying with her, the child of my child is twice my child. We don’t love our children less, we love our grandchildren differently.
Other studies are underway.
You may be wondering, like I do, what about fathers, grandfathers, and women who are not grandmothers?
“(In this study), we’re highlighting the brain functions of grandmothers that may play an important role in our social lives and development,” shared co-author Minwoo Lee. “It’s an important aspect of the human experience that has been largely left out of the field of neuroscience. And now, other studies are underway.”
The Rilling lab has also conducted research with fathers viewing photos of their children. The regions of their brains involved with emotional empathy and motivation were generally not as strongly activated as the brains of grandmothers. Another study is focussed on whether grandmothers have higher levels of oxytocin, the love hormone, compared to women of the same age who are not grandmothers. There are also plans to study the brains of grandfathers.
Some other research you may find interesting? Evidence is also accumulating that positively engaged grandmothers are associated with children having better outcomes on various measures, including academic, social, behavioural and physical health, according to the study authors.
How would you compare the love you feel for your grandchildren to the love you feel for your children?