Our Potential for Growth
“You are not too old and it is not too late to dive into your increasing depths where life calmly gives out its own secret.”
My mind was swirling with thoughts and ideas this morning but I didn’t think I had it in me to sit down and write a blog post. I find this a bit puzzling because I have spent the week planning, researching, and creating. I’ve been organizing my writing workshops for the year, working on a free give-away for my blog subscribers, brainstorming collaborations with some colleagues, and compiling all the quotes I have scattered on post-its and scraps of paper. And, I have also been brainstorming themes and ideas for this year’s blog posts! So I didn’t give much thought to this week’s blog post, thinking it would just naturally emerge, only to find that the well is empty. While I may be full of ideas, I feel drained. Are you ever like that? I often find that for me, it’s all or nothing. I get these creative spurts where I can’t stop and the energy keeps me going for days. Then I crash, not to the point of exhaustion, but to a point where I just want to curl up with a good mystery novel and a cup of coffee, and, for a while, only think mindless thoughts.
So what I thought I would do this week is share some blog themes percolating in my head and give you an opportunity to jump in with your comments and questions! These are only some rough ideas – quotes and thoughts rumbling around in my brain. I’d love to know whether they resonate with you. And if not, what are you thinking about at this life stage?
A life stage of diminishment or growth
This pandemic has shed a light on ageism. Far too many people are being warehoused in nursing homes with substandard care. The capacity of older women to lead has been questioned; witness Leslie Stahl’s interview with Nancy Pelosi – “you’re 8o … Why haven't you brought young people into the leadership?” We oldies can sometimes be the most ageist of all, possibly because we've had a lifetime of negative messages about aging. Case in point? Leslie Stahl is 79 and she is questioning Pelosi’s capacity!
In a recent interview, Martha Pipher said “…we’ve been defined by our diminishment, and we’ve been looked at as sort of a diminished version of our former selves. What really interests me is we have a set of cultural scripts about how older women are primarily defined by loss - by the loss of their appearance, by the loss of their sexuality, etc. This contrasts with my own experience of being an older woman—we’re actually the happiest people around. We often tell each other that we’re enjoying our lives more than we ever have before, and that, even when we’re in a really rough spot like we’re losing a sibling or a friend, we have seven decades of experience learning how to cope with rough spots, and we end up being surprisingly resilient, in spite of whatever is happening… The way I define older women is by our potential for growth and flourishing.”
Pipher’s words resonate for me, the women who touch my life are strong, happy, resilient, and for the most part, are living full, happy lives. I’m not sure if we need to address this diminishment at a societal level but I do believe that we need to ensure each other of the amazing potential of this life stage for women.
Wholeness over perfection
Just a couple of quotes here that have me mulling this concept of wholeness over perfection, and exploring the concept of living an undivided life, which includes my inner darkness.
Singer-songwriter Joe Henry says that as he’s grown older, he’s gained the ability to see himself as complete. “When you’re young, you’re invited to believe that you couldn’t have done anything significant enough to own an identity, a point of view,” he observes. “And then you get to a point when you’re like, ‘Well, I think I’m basically who I am now.’
Parker J. Palmer defines completeness through the concept of wholeness. “Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life. Knowing this gives me hope that human wholeness - mine, yours, ours - need not be a utopian dream.”
I am drawn to better understanding shadow, forgiveness – forgiving others and myself – and shame as part of my wholeness. Shame surfaces regularly in the stories shared in my life story workshops. This shame is most often related to childhood incidents. I am intrigued that many of us have carried shame for so many years. I know I have my own shames I have not yet unwrapped.
What do I really want to do?
Louise Penny says that this is a question that, on the surface, should be easy for a person in late middle age to answer. “What do I really want? What gives me pleasure? And yet, I’ve found it’s surprisingly difficult to answer. We are just so imbued with the expectations of others - of parents, of teachers, of neighbours, and of the broader society.” She continues that the start of this realization for her happened shortly after she met her husband, Michael. They were at the Montreal Symphony, using his season tickets. And as they left he turned to her and said, “I don’t think I like going to the symphony.” He went on to say that he’d sat there and realized his parents had taken him, then his first wife had taken him, and he’d never asked the question, what did he want? He was 61 years old at the time, and Penny was astonished by that realization. She began questioning her choices as an adult and realized how much was driven by what others told her she should be doing. Penny began thinking about what she wanted. I’ve been thinking the same, particularly as retirement nears and I know my husband and I will need to accommodate each other’s interests.
Parker J. Palmer states that “if we see this life stage correctly, it’s an enormous portal for growth, and we can end up having the deepest and most profound growth of our lifetimes.” If I am lucky, I may have another 25 years of joyful living and growth. I have begun to ask myself, what would I do if I were not afraid?
So, what do you think? Are these themes that interest you? I’d love to know! Is there a topic you’d like me to explore? Feel free to comment below, on my Facebook or Instagram page, or you can send me an email. I always love hearing from you!