Life Stories: The Facts and So Much More
In Senegal, when a woman dies, they say her library has burned down. The volumes of stories, experiences, and memories stored in the mind and soul disappear. As a daughter, granddaughter, and even great-granddaughter, I carry the trauma and resilience of my foremothers deep within me, but I do not know their stories. My great-grandmother, a servant girl, gave birth to my illegitimate grandfather in a private hospital in Antwerp, Belgium. My grandmother worked for the Dutch Underground during the Second World War. My mother was born four months after her parents were married. These are the facts. But these are not life stories.
Author Patricia Hampl shares that good journalism is facts. Memoir, she. says, consists of those tantalizing, dismaying, broken bits of life history that affect our life and mind. Memoir, is an attempt at writing the truth of a self in this world.
Life stories allow us to explore and understand our lives instead of summarizing events. This is why instead of stating that I was fat at the age of eight, I wrote that there was a running joke in my family that potatoes were unsafe around me. I have written about emigrating to Canada in 1965, at six years old. That is a fact. The unravelling of my mother’s mental health, isolated and unable to speak English, is the story. There are many stories I have not told - yet. They are the emotional and traumatic stories that I am not ready to explore - yet.
When you read my life stories, I want you to feel like you have come to know me, not just the facts of my life. And so I write about joy and wonder, my family and friends, and my need for connection and solitude. I weave my personal life, memories, and feelings, into the tapestry of a larger world. Reading Ageless Possibilities, you will learn how I value stillness, that the quality of the evening light leaves me breathless; and, the sound of approaching wind fills me with anticipation.
A biography is the life history of an individual written by someone else. An autobiography is the story of a life told first-hand. A memoir is a collection of memories written by a person. Life stories are defined as events that happened to someone during their life. For me, this barely touches the surface! Life stories go deeper than that, they are connected to our memories, experiences, emotions, and so much more.
So why do older women want to write their life stories? They are women who may want to leave a legacy for future generations. Some are in transition and, as Brené Brown writes, ‘they want to own their own history so they can write a brave new ending to their story’. Others want to reflect on their journey paddling north. And, older women write their stories to heal, grieve, explore, and understand.
The metal health benefits of writing your life stories are many - reducing stress, developing a sense of control, and achieving a higher level of self-awareness and self-confidence. The process of documenting your life story can also be helpful in overcoming unresolved trauma or sensitive issues which may be weighing heavily on your mind. Studies have found that writing about upsetting memories and troubling topics can be as effective as undergoing cognitive processing therapy.
Let me tell you my reasons for writing life stories. In August 2020, I wrote a blog post, Writing Our Life Stories. I shared how I had wanted to write a series of memoir pieces on mothers and daughters to share with my girls. But instead, my memories unearthed a lot of unprocessed pain, starting me down the road of self-awareness through writing. Writing life stories, with the wisdom I have gained over the years, allows me to better understand myself and the behaviour of other people featured in my stories.
While writing these words, I have been slipping in and out of past blog posts to help me get clarity. I re-read two posts I wrote prior to my mother’s death, A Caregiver’s Journey and The Fragility of Life. I burst into tears. These were not the facts of my mother's demise, but rather the river I paddled leading up to her death. The posts capture my journey and tell part of my story. I am reminded of how healing the process of writing can be.
I know some of you have no desire to visit the past. But for those of you who are interested in exploring life stories, can I offer some suggestions?
You don't need to be a writer! I would say that most of the women who take my workshops don’t consider themselves writers, and yet their stories are poignant and emotional.
You don’t have to sign up for a course to write your life stories. Just write!
In the beginning, don’t think about why you are writing. Just write! Write for yourself and see where your stories take you.
Looking for some structure? There are so many resources out there! Books about writing your life story, free writing prompts, and courses you can take, both online and in-person. I am a trained Guided Autobiography instructor and there are over 600 of us around the world offering courses. You can find an instructor here. You can also find self-guided courses like A Year of Finding Your Authentic Self, an offering by DailyOm of 52 lessons (one per week) to help you uncover the truth of your experiences and memories - for as little as $25US!
What do I offer you at Women Rowing North: Writing Our Life Stories? Glad you asked! I have never felt I belong. I am forever looking for my tribe. I started Ageless Possibilities wanting to connect with like-minded women rowing north. This was also my intention when I launched Writing Our Life Stories. I wanted to give women a safe, supportive environment to explore and write their life stories. And I knew that by hearing similar stories, women would feel connected and acknowledged.
Workshops are limited to six women. We discuss a theme, and I share resources, activities, quotes, and prompting questions to nudge memories. You write your story at home, no more than 1,000 words. Then, we get together the following week to share stories. We don’t analyze or critique; we only offer comments and questions that allow you to delve deeper into your stories. The stories weave together and spin a net of connections. Here are the words of one participant who describes the experience:
"As one comes to hear the stories of other women in Writing Our Life Stories, trust and empathy grows. I think this propels the writing process. One feels safe, with Helen's guidance, to share deeply moving experiences, focused on the theme. I learned so much from the other women I met, an experience both affirming and encouraging as I revisited and thought about my life's journey. The women I have met in the workshops are people I would trust with my heart." - Liz (Vancouver, British Columbia)
Liz captures the essence of Writing Our Life Stories, the power of not only sharing our stories but also listening to the stories of like-minded women who accompany us as we paddle north. So if you are wondering whether you should write your life stories, think of how your life stories can be both a path to self-discovery, and a way to enrich the lives of others.