Here's Looking At You!
“There are familiar faces on these trains, people I see every week, going to and fro. I recognize them and they probably recognize me. I don’t know whether they see me, though, for what I really am. ”
My addiction started early - and continues to this day! I was eight when my father began taking me to the airport. Nope, not to watch planes! We would head to the international arrivals gate and sit on a bench watching families reconnect, couples embracing, and grandparents meeting grandbabies for the first time. I was a silent observer of joyful reunions. Even then, I created a tapestry of stories from these moments.
I suspect many of those stories focused on the presents hidden in the heavy suitcases carried by grandparents. My Oma and Opa arrived every summer for a 6-week visit with suitcases loaded with packages. Mind you, my attention was more focused on opening the suitcases than on their arrival!
One of my favourite college courses was human geography, studying the interrelationships between people, places, cultures and environments. Clear confirmation of my interest in people watching! I remember being fascinated with a research study on personal space written by a friend. And do you remember the book Manwatching: A Field Guide to Human Behavior by Desmond Morris? Did any of you enjoy it as much as I did?
Now, 55+ years later, I still love to watch people. My husband shakes his head at me as I observe and attempt to decipher relationships. The older man stroking his partner's arm while sipping a cocktail - a second relationship or a long-lived marriage? The wife giving her husband the cold shoulder - did he cheat on her or is that disappointment over some minor infraction? The group of confident, well-dressed women drinking wine in the airport lounge. A business trip or a girls’ trip?
Recent travels challenged my observation skills. A more international crowd meant different behaviours and more complex relationships. I was particularly fascinated by a group of Westerners I observed at Black Sheep Cafe in Ubud. They arrived by scooter, on foot, and by Grab Car. An older woman with tattoo sleeves, a man with a greying ponytail, a young couple with dreadlocks, another older woman dressed in linen wearing makeup, a sickly-looking man in a wheelchair, and a smattering of others. I could not hear their conversation and wondered how they were connected. Were they on a retreat together? Were they local expats? Or maybe all clients of a holistic treatment centre? It was the first time I struggled to weave a story around a group of strangers.
I expect I am not the only one who enjoys observing people. Many writers use people-watching as a tool to inform their storytelling. In a Literary Hub article, writer Nora Zelevansky shared, “I study the people around me and think, “Someone, somewhere, was once in love with you.” Then, based on anything I can assess about their appearance, what they’re carrying, the expression on their face…I create a backstory for them. Did this person know that the other person loved them? Did they confess it in secret as children on the playground? How did it begin? How did it end? What do their lives look like now? Did the person who once loved them walk around hoping to run into them? Was someone, at this very moment, closing their eyes and pining for this stranger sitting right in front of me?”
Creating fictional characters based on people-watching has to be easier than understanding the actions of strangers. We often jump to our own interpretation when people-watching. Rarely do our conclusions reflect the reality of the situation. Our assumptions lead us to what we think is happening; however, assumptions can oversimplify situations. How can we possibly know the multiple layers of a relationship?
But what is the allure of people watching? The article, The Fascinating Phenomenon of People Watching, by Mark Geraghty, offers four drivers behind people watching.
Curiosity
An innate curiosity to understand the diverse tapestry of human life, especially the lives of older women, is why I enjoy people-watching. As Geraghty shares, observing behaviours, mannerisms, and interactions provides an opportunity to gain insights into different behaviours and personalities. By witnessing these actions, we catch glimpses of their inner worlds, allowing us to relate, empathize, and expand our understanding of the human experience.
Validation
People-watching can also affirm our behaviours and choices, reinforcing a sense of belonging and validation.
Social Norms
People-watching can also offer insights into social norms, etiquette, and acceptable behaviour in different contexts. We can learn from the behaviours and mistakes of others, enabling us to fine-tune our actions.
Reality Entertainment
Social platforms now offer a digital stage where people willingly share their lives, thoughts, and experiences. Geraghty writes that this has transformed people watching into a form of reality entertainment. Scrolling through feeds allows us to engage in a modern form of people-watching, observing snippets of real-life narratives as though they were entertainment shows.
My recent travels confirmed my interest in observing older women. The many older women travelling solo, confidently striding along cobblestone roads carrying backpacks. The female cafe owners in Hoi An, some in their 80s, prepping food every morning at 4 am. The many grandmothers caregiving, toddlers perched behind them on scooters or playing in doorways. The way some women confidently wear bikinis into their 70s - or sunbathe topless on public beaches. I wasn’t brave enough to do that even when my boobs were perky!
Do you enjoy people-watching? If so, who do you enjoy watching? And what drives your interest?