Believing You Are Enough Is A Journey
“Be yourself so the people looking for you can find you.”
Photo by Kampus Production from Pexels
When we are made to feel like we are not enough, we begin to doubt ourselves. We try to mould ourselves into something else. Sometimes we succeed, fooling others and maybe even ourselves, but it doesn’t feel good.
“All of us who don’t feel enough, believe there is some way it’s supposed to be and we tell ourselves we are not living up to it,” shares naturopathic physician, Dr. Brad Lichtenstein in Know Your Goodness. And if we believe that we’re not enough, we will never allow ourselves to embrace who we really are. He continues, “A question for you to ask yourself: What do you believe makes you enough? If you answered in any other way than ‘I am enough simply because I’m me,’ then you’re certainly not alone. Believing you are enough is a journey. It takes time and action. And the path isn’t a straight one. Once you reach that destination of believing you are enough, it takes work to stay there. The state of ‘enough-ness’ is one you may return to again and again even when you truly believe all you are is all you need to be.
I lived many unhappy years, feeling I was not enough. I was not alone. Studies suggest 85 per cent of people experience a sense of not being enough at some point in their lives. This feeling of believing we are not enough is also, I think, tied to unhappiness. According to a study from the National Bureau of Economic Research, we feel the most unhappy at age forty-seven. At fifty, we feel happier. At sixty, we feel even more happy. Interestingly, the study stated that we all tend to be at our most unhappy at the same point in life. The curve’s trajectory, the study revealed, holds true in countries where the median wage is high and where it is not, and where people tend to live longer and where they don’t.
As a woman in her mid-sixties, have I finally reached a point where I believe I am enough? Yes. I know I am enough! Why? Simply because I am me. As Mary Pipher shares, this is partly due to my journey rowing north.
In the essay, The Joy of Being A Woman in Her Seventies, she writes, “as older women we can be kinder to ourselves as well as more honest and authentic. Our people-pleasing selves soften their voices and our true selves speak more loudly and more often.”
But it has also taken a lot of reflection and hard work to believe I am enough. And, as Dr. Brad Lichtenstein shares, it will take work to stay there. How? Freelance journalist, Julia Ubbenga offers three suggestions in A Blueprint For Believing You Are Enough.
Positive Self-Talk
Did you know we have 70,000 or more self-talk thoughts a day; 80 per cent of them negative? These negative thoughts are so routine they mostly go unnoticed. And, as Ubbenga writes, if the person we talk to the most keeps putting us down, how are we going to believe we’re enough?
We need to watch our thoughts more closely. Ubbenga suggests looking at the work of clinical neuroscientist and psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen. I will continue to use Byron Katie’s four self-inquiring questions:
Is it true?
Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
How do I react when I believe that thought?
Who would I be without the thought?
Brain Health
A high functioning, balanced brain produces more positive beliefs than an unhealthy one, which are the foundation for self-love and acceptance. I plan to work harder at optimizing my brain health with sleep, nutrition and exercise.
Relationships
I have ended friendships and distanced myself from people who made me miserable. These days, I am surrounded by people who I care about and who care about me. I will continue to embrace the quote I shared at the start of this blog post.
Be yourself so the people looking for you can find you. - Arlan Hamilton
I would love to know what you believe makes you enough?