A One Way Ticket Home
“Walking, ideally, is a state in which the mind, the body, and the world are aligned, as though they were three characters finally in conversation together, three notes suddenly making a chord.”
I stood on the cusp of 60 and felt old. My mind was still sharp, my body was still fit but I felt like I was looking at the end of the road! I could not fathom what I would do for the next 10, 20, 30 years. My girls had started their own lives, my passion for my career had waned and my husband and I had settled into a far too comfortable routine. As a life-long planner, focused on goals and achievements, I could not imagine what might feed my soul and sustain me for the coming years.
Ursula LeGuin has a quote that says, “It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” Her words resonated and made me realize that I always plan with the end in mind, paying little attention to the journey. Instinctively I knew these next years could be the best journey yet but I didn’t know where to start, or where to go. However I did know that I had to step out of my comfort zone and open myself up to new experiences to help find my way.
I filled my backpack with essentials and my husband drove me to the airport for the start of a 2-month solitary journey. A well-planned journey, being the planner I am, but a journey without a specific destination. A journey that I hoped would be lived day by day, built on vague memories of what used to make me happy – long walks, solitude, books, and nature – woven into new adventures that I hoped would push my boundaries.
Travellers teemed around us as I stood in my husband’s embrace at the airport. In my hand I clutched my passport and a copy of Wanderlust: A History of Walking by Rebecca Solnit – the only ‘real’ book I would read before turning to my iPad. All I had planned as I began this journey was that I wanted to walk - over mountains, along the ocean, down forest trails, on old Roman roads and to places I had only dreamed of. As Lewis Carroll wrote, if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there. And my wish for myself as I set out, was that walking those paths would bring me back to myself.
As I said goodbye to my husband on that cold, blustery September morning I also held four one-way tickets in my hand.
The first one-way ticket took me to Oviedo, Spain, the gateway to my destination, the village of Faedo in the Asturian Mountains. Surrounded by dramatic peaks, steep gorges and deep valleys, I eased into my journey, stretching my muscles, re-discovering my body and learning about the natural world around me. Every morning I woke up before sunrise to ensure I was fuelled with coffee before a 90-minute yoga session. I would then head off with the only other two guests, a couple from Belleville, Ontario and our guide Camillo, to walk to remote villages along footpaths that had been worn down over hundreds of years. The walks were long, usually 10-15 kilometres, but slow, as we stopped frequently to learn about trees, plants, insects and birds. Halfway during the day we would stop for meals of wild boar pate, goat stew and wine, which we drank from no-name bottles that would be placed on the table and measured at the end of the meal. Every night after another 90-minute restorative yoga session and dinner cooked from only local ingredients, I would fall asleep to the sound of cow bells. My concerns about the future began to diminish and a feeling of peace settled over me.
My second one-way ticket took me to Porto, Portugal, the gateway to the second half of the Portuguese Coastal Camino, where I started my 288-kilometre, solitary pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela. My pilgrimage was lonely at first, I met few travellers and every day I was eager to get to my next hotel, knowing there would be a smiling face behind a reception desk, a hot bath and a comfortable bed. But slowly my sense of self began to shift, the rational part of me that always planned and organized everything to the minute, began to melt away. It slowly dawned on me how much I was enjoying walking, living in the beauty of the world around me. My pace slowed, I enjoyed more rest stops and I was reluctant to stop walking as I approached my next accommodation. My sense of time disappeared and I lived very much in the moment. In fact so much so, that one evening I completely forgot what time I was skyping with my husband because I was deep in conversation with fellow pilgrims - yes, over a bottle of wine. My husband, worried, was just about to call the hotel to see if I had arrived when my tanned, relaxed face appeared on his computer screen.
My third one-way ticket took me to Morocco. Friends were concerned that, as a western woman travelling on my own, this was not the safest destination. But I wanted to experience a culture that I thought would test my comfort zone. I spent a few days by myself in Marrakesh and then joined an Intrepid Tour to explore southern Morocco. What I discovered was a country that filled my soul with its breathtaking beauty, kind people and humble traditions. I spent a few nights at a homestay with a family in the Atlas Mountains, I watched the sun set and rise over the Sahara and I ate more goat stew – I never thought it was a dish I would love! Morocco was about suspending my beliefs and acknowledging that the world is so much richer than I had ever imagined.
My final one-way ticket was a ticket home. A journey I booked sooner than I had originally planned as, per Paulo Coelho’s wise words, I could now envision a new story for my life and I was ready to start living it.
I learned a lot about myself during this adventure and the most important lesson was that I have to let go of planning all aspects of my life. I have to slow down and enjoy the journey, despite occasional discomfort, and trust that my life would find the right path. As you can imagine, not an easy task, as I like to plan and be in control. However, this new approach is working for me. I am discovering forgotten passions, I am being presented with interesting opportunities, and I have a renewed optimism for the future – one I am eager to explore.
What about you? Are you a planner? Do you have your future mapped out? Are you drifting, wondering what’s next? Or, are you letting the days unfold and lead you to your future? Drop me a line and let me know!