Worrying Over Nothing
“My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.”
Last week, over a cup of coffee with a friend, I shared a personal problem I was dealing with. Aren’t you worried?, she asked. Nope, I replied, there is nothing I can do about it.
This is a far cry from a few months ago, when I wrote in a blog post that I felt anxious about getting lost while travelling between destinations. My stomach twisted in knots and sent me running for the bathroom! I shared that travel anxiety was new to me - I was fearless as a young traveller, knowing I could always catch another bus, train, or hitchhike!
Now, we did have some travel mishaps this past fall. We drove the wrong way on a one-way street, got honked at for driving in a bus lane, and almost scraped our rearview mirrors driving through a narrow road in a local village. We got a parking ticket because we could not read Spanish. We got hopelessly lost looking for our rental in São Vicente on Madeira - our hostess had to come find us!
When I arrived home and reflected on our trip, I realized nothing I had been anxious about had transpired. And as for the mishaps we did have? I coped perfectly well!
I realized how I needlessly worry about too many things in life. Many of us do. And yet, studies have proven that most of our worries never come true.
So why do we worry?
Many of us worry because we believe that worrying is useful. We also think worry can help us prepare for and prevent future challenges. But the things that we worry about rarely happen.
As worriers, we also believe we won't be able to handle the problems and situations that cause us worry. But even when worries come true, we handle the fallout much better than expected.
Worrying is not useful. It is also not good for our health. We all know what it feels like to worry; it is not pleasant. Not surprisingly, worrying increases stress hormones that have been linked to being prone to heart disease, cancer and premature ageing, predicting family dysfunction and clinical depression, and making older people more likely to develop dementia. Worrying also interferes with thinking and decision-making. Frequent worrying is associated with difficulty concentrating, slowed and impaired learning, and delayed decision-making.
I know worrying is useless. I know my worries never transpire. I know that when serious things happen, I am capable of coping. I know there are health consequences to worrying. So what to do? Well, clearly, I need to stop worrying. Worry is just not worth it.
So, how do I stop worrying?
There are many resources and therapeutic approaches to help reduce worry - mindfulness practices, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), and practices for relaxing the body – such as muscle relaxation and breathing techniques. But I wanted something simple. I worry less than I used to - the anti-depressant that I have been taking for the last few years helps not only with my dysthymia, but has also reduced my anxiety.
However, I wanted a simple process.
I have always been fascinated by Byron Katie’s work. Beginning in her early thirties, Katie was so depressed and stuck in self-loathing that she was often unable to get out of bed for days or weeks at a time. One morning, she realized that her suffering came from her thoughts about her situation—such as “my life is horrible,” and “I don’t deserve happiness”—and not from the situation itself. She realized a simple truth: when she believed her thoughts, she suffered, and when she didn’t, she was happy.
Out of this insight, she developed a process of self-inquiry she now calls The Work. It involves asking four simple questions about each belief that causes us pain. Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react when you believe that thought? Who would you be without the thought?
This is only a brief explanation; the process is more complex and detailed. I would recommend visiting her website if you are interested in learning more.
But Katie’s work got me thinking - what questions could I ask myself to help me with my worrying? I came up with the following:
What would happen if I didn’t worry?
Can I stop the situation/problem by worrying?
Is this my situation/problem to worry about?
And guess what? After only six weeks of intentionally stopping and answering these questions when I worry, I am already worrying less!
I haven’t addressed worry versus anxiety in this blog post, and the distinction between the two is important. Worry is temporary. Anxiety is persistent. Worry is a component of anxiety. Anxiety, actually has three main components: emotional, physiological, and cognitive. “Imagine you have a presentation coming up at work. You might notice feelings of fear and dread, two examples of the emotional component. You may also notice bodily sensations, such as heart palpitations, sweating, or tightness in your stomach, which represent the physiological component. Finally, you might be thinking, "I can't do it," or "I'm going to embarrass myself." Worries and negative thoughts like these about what might happen in the future are the cognitive component.”
It’s also important to note the difference between the two because anxiety problems in older adults are common, and they often go unrecognized.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is believed to be the most common anxiety disorder among older adults. People who have GAD find themselves constantly worrying about many things. They fear the worst in every situation, even if that fear is unfounded. Adults suffering from GAD may feel like they're always on edge and in a high state of alert. They may understand their nervousness is excessive but lack control over their emotions. General Anxiety Disorder tends to be more common among older women compared to older men, particularly in the event of divorce, separation, or the loss of a spouse or partner.
What are your experiences with worry? When I wrote that I worried about missing a flight, getting on the wrong train, or GPS directions sending me the wrong way, many of you shared similar travel worries. Are there other situations that cause you worry? Have you tried anything to help alleviate your worries?