Women Rowing North: Six Suggestions for the Journey
My friend Ruby sent me a link to a commencement speech delivered by Parker J. Palmer to the graduation class of Naropa University. If you have been following my blog for a while then you will know that I hold a deep respect and admiration for Palmer. I have a couple of his books on my bookcase, I have attended several retreats at the Center for Courage and Renewal of which he is a founder, and my blog posts and life story workshops are sprinkled with his reflections and quotes.
Palmer’s commencement speech, Living an Examined Life, delivered in 2015, was one I had heard before but it lay forgotten among the dusty files in my brain. This week I listened to his speech through a different lens, that of a woman of a certain age, graduating into a new phase of my life. As I listened to Palmer speak to these young graduates on how to live an examined life, I realized that these suggestions are just as applicable – and valuable – to us women rowing north.
Confession – the following is pretty much a direct quote from Palmer, with only a bit of paraphrasing on my part. Frankly, if others can express so eloquently what I believe to be important, why not share it with you in their words?
1. Be reckless when it comes to affairs of the heart.
Be passionate. Fall deeply in love with life. Take risks no matter how vulnerable they make you. Offer yourself to the world – your energies, your gifts, your heart, your vision. Clinging to what you already know and do well is the path to an unlived life.
2. Take everything that is bright and beautiful in you and introduce it to the shadow side of yourself.
Let your altruism meet your egotism. Let your generosity meet your greed. Let your joy meet your grief. Everyone has a shadow. When you are able to say I am all of the above – the shadow and the light – the shadow’s power is put in service of the good. Wholeness is the goal, but wholeness does not mean perfection, it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of your life.
3. As you welcome anything you find alien in yourself – extend that welcome to what you find alien in the outer world.
Extend this courtesy to others and treat their shadowy otherness with the same kindness that you would our own. Palmer shares that he doesn’t know of any virtue more important these days than hospitality to a stranger, those we perceive as “other” than us.
4. Take on big jobs worth doing — jobs like the spread of love, peace, and justice.
Be faithful to your gifts and to your perception of the needs of the world. Be faithful to offering your gifts to whatever needs are within your reach and to the true needs of those entrusted to your care.
5. Violence is what happens when we don’t know what else to do with our suffering.
Sometimes we aim that violence at ourselves, as in overwork that leads to burnout, or in the many forms of substance abuse. Sometimes we aim that violence at other people — racism, sexism, and homophobia often come from people trying to relieve their suffering by claiming superiority over others.
He suggests exercising your heart every day by taking in life’s little pains and joys — he believes that kind of exercise will make your heart supple, the way a runner makes a muscle supple, so that when it breaks, (and it surely will,) it will break not into a fragment grenade, but into a greater capacity for love.
6. Daily keep your death before your eyes.
This final suggestion is a quote from Saint Benedict. Palmer shares that if you hold a healthy awareness of your own mortality, your eyes will be opened to the grandeur and glory of life, which will evoke all of the virtues he has named, as well as those he hasn’t, such as hope, generosity, and gratitude. If the unexamined life is not worth living, it’s equally true that the unlived life is not worth examining.
So what do you think, do these suggestions provide some guidance for you as you begin paddling into the next phase of your life? These words may have been directed at young graduates but really, they are suggestions for all of us on how to live a meaningful life.
There are two suggestions that very much resonate with me.
The first is reflecting on what gifts I can give to other women as we journey together. It is why I started blogging and facilitating life story writing workshops. It has me thinking about a book I want to write. I love the concept of using my gifts to take on a big job worth doing because it is then not just a gift I can extend to you but it is also a gift to myself.
Secondly, my shadow side scares me. I’m not completely sure of all that’s lurking there! I have been hesitant about introducing all that is bright and beautiful in me to my shadow side. Palmer’s book, A Hidden Wholeness, has been sitting on my bookshelf, unread, for a number of years. But now I am ready. Thanks to an invitation from two women who took one of my writing workshops, I will be joining a small group of women in June to explore A Hidden Wholeness together, chapter by chapter. I cannot think of a better way to take this journey than in the company of other women. I began this journey because I wanted to create a community where we can support each other as we journey north. And I am so appreciative when other women invite me to join them for a paddle.