Turn Up the Volume
“My outer world has become very, very quiet but my inner world currently has the volume turned up all the way.”
I came across this quote on Instagram almost a month ago. The quote has been living in my conscience since then; it even found its way to the bulletin board that hangs by my desk. When I first read it I realized that my outer world had become almost silent, but the volume in my head was so loud that I couldn’t quite hear what was reverberating in my thoughts. I did my best to tune in. That helped me understand why the volume was so loud - and I discovered that I was tuned in to several channels at the same time!
Holding the World’s Anguish
I spend the first hour of every day enjoying my cup of French Roast coffee and checking up on my world. First, Messenger for updates from my girls, then I move on to Facebook to ensure friends and family are fine and finally over to CBC to read local and world news. The news almost always turns the volume up! The human stories speak the loudest - starvation, human trafficking, war casualties - and these last few months we can add isolation, loneliness, ageism, and increased domestic violence.
Tendrils of Anxiety
Yesterday, my husband and I packed a picnic and headed to a park where we knew we could safely distance. I felt some discomfort getting into the car, and by the time we merged onto the highway, heading to the valley, tendrils of anxiety twisted and tightened their grip around my thoughts. For the first time in almost two months, I was leaving my neighbourhood. I had barely driven during that time. As we walked the trails, enjoying wetlands, fields, and forest, I began to relax but worry continued to buzz in my head.
Thundering Waves of Creativity
Next week I wrap up my Guided Autobiography (GAB) facilitator training and I will be certified to offer the program. I have been spending many hours reading, researching, and developing content for online workshops to offer during this current lockdown. At the same time, I am also working on my blog, designing a life story sampler, and developing some resources for blog subscribers. My head is alive with dreams and possibilities – thundering waves of creativity are hitting a shoreline scattered with ideas and concepts.
These channels, and others, are turning up the volume in my inner world – contributing a cacophony of sound, much like an orchestra tuning for a performance.
Now, I’m well aware of how to bring quiet to my inner world – journaling, yoga, listening to classical music, and long walks all contribute to calming my mind. What I’ve come to realize though, is that I’m okay with the volume being turned up in my inner world. Life is different right now. The volume needs to be high so I can feel alive, and aware, and caring.
And yes, my outer world is quiet. I can sleep at night without turning on my sound machine. Traffic is minimal. Ambulances and fire trucks hardly ever race by our house these days. There are no planes flying in the airspace over my head. The noises of the outer world have been turned down but my outer world is far from silent. I wake up every morning to the sound of bird song and the happy chatter of the children next door. The baby hummingbirds visiting my feeder have become braver and I can hear the sound of their wings as they check me out. Opera music floats over to my balcony in the late afternoon. And I can hear sea lions barking from the fishing docks at the end of the road. The volume of my inner world will continue to be turned up all the way these days; I just need to remember to change the channel regularly and turn up the volume on the sounds that feed my soul.