Thriving Among Kindred Spirits
“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.”
My husband asked if I would like to join him for a dinner hosted by his golf club. The butterflies in my stomach took flight! I am not good in social situations when there are more than three people!
Over the years, this has proved challenging in our marriage. My husband’s work involved attending numerous social gatherings, and in our early years, I would often join him, drinking a couple of glasses of wine before leaving the house to calm my anxiety. I would settle myself in a secluded corner, hoping no one would approach me. Eventually, the stress of these events became too much, and I stopped attending. We would make excuses for my absence - I was sick, we couldn’t find a babysitter, or I had other plans.
My husband wondered why, when I was so uncomfortable accompanying him, I could speak in front of 200 people at a conference, attend retreats with strangers, and gather annually with my colleagues. I could not quite reconcile why some social situations filled me with dread, other than the obvious, while others I awaited eagerly. I put it down to being an introvert. We shifted our excuses for my absence at his work functions to the truth - I was not good in social situations. I enjoyed spending time alone.
I think of my friends. I have never had more than a handful of friends, but the friends I do have, have been a constant in my life for many years. They are supportive and non-judgmental. They accept me for who I am, knowing I may cancel plans at the last minute. Yesterday I was supposed to get together with a friend when unexpectedly, I was gifted a day to myself. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a day to myself! I messaged her. Can we reschedule, I asked. But the next morning I was torn. Yes, I wanted time alone, but it had been so long since I had seen her. I messaged her again, writing, “I woke up this morning thinking, how could I pass up a visit with you for alone time? Are you still available?” She had made another commitment but wrote, “Sounds like you need to recharge. Enjoy your time alone.” Yes, she knows me well!
Does it sound like I am aimlessly rambling? It’s all connected! If you know me well, you would know that’s how my mind works!
So now on to what I do now! For the last few years, I have been blogging and facilitating life story workshops for small groups of women. I have been engaging with other women on social media. Have I felt uncomfortable in these ‘social’ situations? Nope! Many of these women have become my kindred spirits!
This week I was ‘chatting’ with one of these women via email and she wrote - “I feel like you are one of my kindred spirits, which is so nice given we met online.” She included the following Beth Kempton quote:
We kindroverts light up among kindred spirits, nourished by sharing our truths and stories in quiet confidence when the vibe is right.
A kindrovert? I found a video clip of Beth Kempton speaking about kindroverts. I am curious, she asked, are you an extrovert or an introvert? If you think you are neither, perhaps you are a ‘kindrovert’. I am.”
Kempton realized that she needed quiet time but that wasn’t where she got her energy. Her ideas come to life in conversation. “I come alive in small gatherings of kindred spirits, she shares. Gatherings of people who are both practical and spiritual, challenging and yielding, gentle and strong. People who are smart and funny but not in your face. People who listen and share but don’t try too hard. People who’d rather say nothing than talk about nothing. People who come alive in real conversation.”
She identified a new label for herself - a kindrovert, identifying them as people who light up by connecting authentically, by sharing truths and stories with quiet confidence when the vibe is right. “We shine with the support of others.”
And there it was! The reason why I could speak in front of an audience of 200 people at a conference, attend retreats with strangers, and gather annually with my colleagues. I was with people who shared my passions, who listened to what I had to say, and who understood what mattered to me because it mattered to them.
Now that I am settling into my later years, more grounded than ever as to what matters to me, I realize that launching Ageless Possibilities has opened the door to kindred spirits. I come alive when listening to women’s stories in Women Rowing North. My heart is full when I receive emails from women who have stumbled upon my blog and hear their thoughts and feelings in my words. I thrive when connecting with other women embarking on similar projects and passions. I have connected deeply with some of these women. We may never have met in person but they are my kindred spirits.
So I ask you, are you an extrovert or an introvert? If you think you are neither, perhaps you are a ‘kindrovert’. I am.