The Ones Who Stand Behind You

My heart is full of appreciation for Ali Schultz, who has re-ignited my passion and helped me find my way back to the river I wanted to paddle this year. Some of you may remember from previous blog posts that I am exploring the possibility of writing a book about generational stories. I was excited about getting started in January, but my biggest dreams often get moved to the back burner.

I began thinking about writing a book last year. I know little of my history, and family secrets my mother shared with me in her last few months have me craving more. Recent fiction has included generational elements that drew me in, particularly The Speed of Mercy by Nova Scotia writer Christy Ann Conlin. And then there are your stories, shared in life story writing workshops, and the conversations we have had. While my focus is still quite broad, I am fascinated by the resilience of women over the generations. I am also intrigued by some of the common threads woven through our female past. Once I hone in on where I want to go, I want to talk to you. I imagine this book as a series of conversations, listening to your stories about your ancestors and creating a tapestry.

So who is Ali Schultz? Ali is the co-founder of Reboot, a coaching company offering leadership development, particularly for tech entrepreneurs and venture capitalists. I know, you’re thinking, where’s the connection? Well, Ali believes in work-life balance; her passion is to empower people to reconnect to their true selves, transforming workplaces from the inside out. Her posts include quotes from my favourite people, Parker J. Palmer, John O’Donohue, and Mary Oliver, to name just a few. She blogs, and many of her posts resonate with my beliefs, values, and passions.

This week, in her opening paragraph, Ali wrote, “We get so much from those in the family tree that came before us. In 12 generations over 400 years, we have around 4000 ancestors. When we think about what these folks have lived through - the loves, losses, joys, pain, misfortunes and traumas, there’s a lot in the epigenetic lineage there as well. It has an effect on our attachment styles, the way in which we receive nourishment and love, and our deeply held beliefs about our worth, our health - all which affect our ability to thrive in this lifetime that is ours.” And then she asks, how often do you connect with those who came before you? What do you know about them? What was life like for them? What did they live through? What were their unfulfilled dreams? What stories are still alive in your family to this day? What is unknown?

Well, that was enough to pique my interest to read more! If that wasn’t enough to get those butterflies fluttering in my stomach again, she then adds, “PS. I’ve written a lot on legacy and lineage. If this is a topic of interest to you, here are some additional posts and podcast conversations to check out.” Be still, my pounding heart! I settled myself in my comfy office chair, the one that came to Canada with us back in 1965, and for the next few hours, I lost myself and rediscovered my passion.

Here are some gems that had me opening the computer folder titled MY BOOK, copying/pasting and typing madly! The following are Ali’s words:

“The stories that live in our bones, wired by our neural nets, carry our uniquely tailored maps of the world. These include the positive as well as the negative feelings and meanings about events that happened as they are logged in our memories. Some have more charge than others and are logged as such out of our body’s penchant for self-preservation. Until we do some inner “house cleaning” later in life to look at what we’ve packed along with us, we’ll stick in the same cycles before we can re-sort it all and decide what we would (really, really, really) like.”

“Epigenetic studies show that memories can be passed on through 14 generations. This means, you may be carrying in your physical experience of life, the experiences of those that came generations before you. Ali mentions Somatic Therapist Resmaa Menakem who explained in an episode of On Being that when these memories and experiences become decontextualized from the human in whom they originally happened to, they become like fragments floating around in us, part of us, but untied to the full scenes and scenarios (and body) from which they originated.”

“We stand on the shoulders of our ancestors. In our own incarnation, we are connected to the lineage that bore us, and the future that is calling us. We are the intersection of the past and the future.”

“Ancestral math tells us that in order for you to be born today from 12 previous generations, you needed almost 4100 ancestors over the past 400 years to come before you. Consider the span of history of your people for a moment. Where did they come from? What has happened over the past 400 years? What did they survive? How much sadness was there? How much heartbreak? How much joy? What were the battles and difficulties, the casualties, and inner prisons? What was the hope they had for the future? If you think and feel into what you know from the range of emotion and experience from your life to date, compound that by over 4000 relative’s experiences. So much of that history still pulses in you, here and now.”

I have not yet spent any time analyzing these statements. All I know is that these words have me opening up my planner and scribbling an outline for research and writing over the next year, carving out time and making space for my dream. As always, I want to paddle down this particular river with you, and I hope to reach out to you in a few months with more details. In the meantime, if you have any thoughts or ideas, please send them my way!