Our Lives Are Stories of Recommitment
“Most of life is choosing what you already chose. Our lives are stories of recommitment.”
Last week I did a quiz to determine my bucket age. Have you ever taken the quiz? Naively I thought it had something to do with bucket lists but no, nothing that exciting. Your bucket age is actually a calculation, based on statistics, of how many years you have left to live. My bucket age is 23 years. Now given the longevity of my family I may be gifted an extra few years, but who knows, right?
So 23 years. Some days I think, is that all? But mostly I think to myself, that’s a lifetime! And then I wonder what will I do with those 23 years?
On my rather crowded bookcase sits a copy of The Purpose of Your Life Experiential Guide written by Carol Adrienne in 1999. This ‘proven program to help you find your reason for being’ was once recommended by Oprah as a must-read and accompanied me on a 6-week trip to Sayulita fifteen years ago. It’s the kind of book that has blank spaces for your answers and I felt a shiver of anticipation when I opened the book a few days ago and saw my faded writing!
What I discovered in those pages was that my purpose today is very similar to what it was then. I decided to dig into a box of my writing archives to look at how I have set my course along my life journey.
In the beginning
I still have a rendition of my ideal job from 1992 when I was 33 years old, a young mother beginning to think about a career instead of a job. What Color is My Parachute by Richard Nelson Bolles featured activities that at the time, helped me understand my strengths, skills, and values. Most of what I wrote back then continues to echo today:
I need challenge and independence
I want work-life balance
I love multi-tasking
I am skilled at implementing new projects and initiatives
The issues that matter to me are family, values, women’s issues, community, and facilitating positive change
Two years later I was managing a family support agency. In a cozy house at the edge of a park, a short bike ride from home, I worked with a small team of amazing women to strengthen and link families with young children to the broader community.
The purpose of my life
Fast forward fifteen years to hot summer days spent on the deck of my casita in Sayulita, delving into The Purpose of Your Life. I had recently started my own business as a consultant, working as a community developer in early childhood development. As I re-read my notes from this book a few days ago, it was clear that my purpose has remained the same. While sipping margaritas, I had written:
I want to contribute to bettering the world, even if only making a small difference
I want to write, feel contentment deep within, be healthy, and enjoy the company of family and friends; I want a balanced life
I want to help change the world by helping people understand what really matters – relationships, community, and connecting across people and systems
And, I can only accomplish this by staying committed to personal growth
A clearer vision for the future
The following year, 2007, I attended a Shift-It Graphic Coaching workshop with Christina Merkely in Victoria, British Columbia. I was struggling with work-life balance. I needed to work on some personal stuff. This workshop involved creating a series of illustrated maps to help understand and make peace with the past; explore current areas of satisfaction/dissatisfaction; and, create a vision for the future. The process was deeply emotional for me, particularly the focus on my past. Christina’s skills and experience, and the support from the other women attending, helped me row my canoe through those choppy waters. I focused on creating a clearer vision of my future. Looking back at these maps, I recognize the core themes that continue to guide my life. I am also reminded that when I plan, magic happens. My future map pulled out my need for -
Feeling healthy and comfortable in my own body
Walking confidently into the future
Writing, mentoring, connecting, and belonging
Remembering where I WANT to go, not where I feel I SHOULD go
A flexible work schedule with time for consulting and writing
Solitary time for reflection
Strong connections to family, friends, and community
Reading these words this week, I realize that my choices on this life journey have remained steadfast. The only change is that I continue to hone in on the things that matter to me.
Transitioning with intention
I am now considering stepping back from my consulting career and opening myself up to new opportunities. Last year I completed Transition with Intention, an online course offered by Penny Freno at Simon Fraser University. This course revealed, to no surprise, that I continue to paddle down the same river, even though I stop to explore the occasional tributary.
The question that I explored for this course was - how can I bundle up 'me' and find a new way to use my wisdom and expertise to be a positive influence, uplift others, and build community - while stepping beyond my comfort zone and surpassing my personal expectations? Isn’t that a juicy question?
Freno utilizes a narrative tool, One Life Tools, in this course, a perfect way for the storyteller in me to begin to shape this next phase of my life. In addition to pulling together a step-by-step plan to lead me forward, I created a personal statement, a renewed and deeper commitment to the choices I have made time and time again. Highlights of my personal statement notably echo my past:
I want a balanced life, living at a slower pace and igniting new passions
I want to stop talking about writing and actually begin writing more. I want to write a book!
I want to cultivate a shared learning journey with a community of women and see where that takes me
I want to foster new relationships, balanced with my need for solitude
I want to ‘dare bravely’ and step outside of my comfort zone
When I first read that we spend most of our lives choosing what we have already chosen, I thought, how dull and boring! Where is the excitement in the same old choices? But as I look back, I recognize that experience, wisdom, and reflection allow me to see my choices with new eyes at every life stage. Yes, I may be rowing down the same river but the waters are getting deeper and the twists and turns in the river continue to bring new vistas.
What values, commitments, causes, or principles have been a constant for you as you paddle north?
What purposes and ends helped to shape the flow of the waters on your river?