October Reflections
“I want to love this world
as though it’s the last chance I’m ever going to get
to be alive
and know it.”
Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash
I woke to The Sometimes Newsletter, whimsical, random musings from Ella Frances Sanders. She wrote about things that were true for her last October that appear to remain true this October; and things that are more recently true. I curled up in my office to do the same.
Things that were true for me last October which appear to remain true:
Brilliant, deep red sunsets fill the evening skies as smoke from forest fires once again enhances their beauty.
Anxiety continues to grip me at being in the company of more than a handful of people.
The imposed isolation of recent years has kept me close to home, where I remain, barely venturing out. This has become a self-imposed isolation, and I am keenly aware I need to broaden my comfort zone.
The chanting of Spiritus Domini by the Congregation of St. Lazarus Autun provides a gentle background as I sit here writing. Gregorian chants are still my go-to music when I write.
Every morning I battle my daughters and husband to be the best Wordle solver!
My husband continues to clean my bathroom, bring me coffee in bed every morning, and wrap me in the safety of his arms every night. Knowing I am so deeply loved gives me such peace and solace.
Things that are more recently true:
My first grandchild, the engagement of my youngest daughter, and a son-in-law.
I no longer walk 10,000+ steps a day now Tucker is gone.
Fall colours are vibrant this year. Unfortunately, drought plays a role in this beauty.
An astounding number of tree frogs can be found everywhere. Their favourite resting places include the dahlias and hostas, under the cushions of the patio furniture, and tucked up in the folds of the outdoor umbrella.
Bird species continue to decline.
Food is my comfort, and eating is one of my greatest pleasures. I am twenty pounds heavier this October.
I am feeling my age. My physical and mental selves are nudging me gently, reminding me I cannot do all that I once took for granted.
I have reached a point, much earlier than in previous years, where I want to hibernate. My October reflections are timely, giving me pause to think about this past year, a year of profound sadness and immense joy. The thought of months alone at our island home is hugely appealing.
I dream of what I will need to limit contact with the outside world.
Books, books, and more books! Luckily, the library and Kobo offer an endless supply of e-books.
Technology will allow me access to music and movies.
My favourite place to curl up is wrapped in a blanket by the fireplace. Propane can be ordered online; deliveries are not dependent on my presence.
Stockpiling food is easy, and groceries can be delivered as needed.
Wine might be a challenge, as the liquor store does not deliver. Regular visits from my husband are welcome, but I may make it a condition that he must bring wine!
Sitting here writing, I realize this is not wishful thinking; it is time for me to take a break.
And what will I do with all this glorious alone time? Reading, walking, stitching, and sleeping will become part of my routine. Also, some puttering - cleaning, fixing, and de-cluttering as we transition our island home into our permanent home.
However, hibernation will primarily focus on reflection and my writing. I am running on empty. And something inside of me is changing. While much that I hold dear still resonates, there is a feeling of something new that I need to explore.
Maybe it is age tugging on my sleeve. I am aware how quickly the years are slipping by, and there is still so much I want to think about, learn, and experience.
I want to deepen my understanding of some of the snippets of wisdom I have collected. I’ll share a few with you next week for your own reflections.
I have been thinking about my shifting interests and how, or if, I can incorporate them into Ageless Possibilities.
Women in my life story workshops often request deeper themes and further opportunities to explore their life stories in the company of other women. How can I honour that while staying true to my interests and needs?
And I need to focus on my book; I find multi-tasking challenging as I get older.
I wrap up this season’s life story writing workshops at the end of November. I will then close down my home office. I will load a couple of boxes with books, journals, Pilot fineliners, and writing pads in my car. And then, I will head to our island home, maybe with a cat or two to keep me company. Ageless Possibilities will be put on hold as I reflect, read, write, and hopefully discover what is calling to me.
Do you do an annual reflection on changes in your life? Do you consider what has remained the same? And does that impact your life decisions?