Menopausal Women with Zest
“There are plenty of things to be anti about: anti-discrimination, anti-drugs, anti-oppression and anti-poverty. Aging isn’t one of them. We need to become pro-aging and embrace the opportunities that aging provides. ”
I have been fluctuating lately with how I feel at the start of this aging journey. For the most part I feel contentment and curiosity – comfortable with my body, confident in my wisdom and excited by the opportunities ahead. But there have been days, and sometimes weeks, when I have been feeling something quite different. At first I wasn’t quite sure what it was. Certainly, there is a touch of fear about an uncertain future; some anger as I recognize my world is changing; and sometimes, a touch of indifference, when I think why do I even care? But it’s been more than that lately, an unsettled feeling that I’ve been struggling to define. Then, last night, while I was doing some research on older women (r)aging, it hit me, I’m feeling invisible. Almost as though someone has seen my expiry date and decided not to throw me out just yet, instead placing me on the shelf to gather dust.
When I think about it, this partly comes from my recent experiences with health practitioners. Now, I know that as part of this menopausal journey, my body is aging. I recognize that the pain in my knee is partly caused by arthritis; I know I’ll probably need a new prescription when I go for an eye exam next month; and yes, reluctantly, I recognize that as my skin is getting dry and wrinkled, so is my vagina. But what infuriates me is when health issues are dismissed as part of the aging process with no real concern to look at remedies. This has happened to me a couple of times this year, most recently these last 5 months when I have been walking around with, at times, excruciating intestinal pain. My doctor’s first diagnosis was diverticulitis and I was given a heavy dose of antibiotics and a referral to a specialist – resulting in a bit of temporary relief. Then, as I began developing food sensitivities, she suggested that maybe it was IBS and I should consider eating a bland diet for a week or so to settle things down. And yes, subsisting on a broth diet helped although it seems a bit unrealistic as a long-term solution. Finally, last week I saw the specialist who assured me that he was confident it was nothing serious and then explained my upcoming colonoscopy in great detail. But as we were wrapping up, he said there was a good possibility that the colonoscopy would not provide any answers. He added that what I was experiencing could possibly just be part of the aging process. Great! So does that mean that for the next 20+ years I am supposed to walk around with intestinal pain? Luckily I have an amazing naturopath who is helping me find solutions. But it makes me wonder, if food sensitivities and intestinal pain are part of the aging process, is there research being conducted to help older women or, because our expiry date is approaching, are we not a priority?
Menstruation, marriage and reproduction are celebrated as rites of passage. However menopause, as neuropsychologist Claire Warga writes, is demonized with tales of hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain, vaginal dryness, thinning hair, sleep disturbances, mood swings and more. This aging journey does not merit the respect it deserves.
Now that I recognize the root of my unsettled feelings, I can acknowledge that yes, there are societal and cultural norms that will make me feel invisible in the coming years. And putting a name to those feelings allows me to re-focus on the contentment and curiosity I usually feel. There are so many voices out there – yes, mainly women’s voices – who speak positively and proudly about this aging journey, voices backed by research and lived experience which clearly state that there is no expiry date and ‘the best is yet to come’!
Let’s start with post-menopausal zest. Sounds juicy doesn’t it? I first heard about it last month and was shocked it had never hit my radar – especially considering the many sociology, anthropology and women’s studies courses I took in college and university. The term comes from anthropologist Margaret Mead, who defined post-menopausal zest as a “physical and psychological surge of energy”. She said, “There is no more creative force in the world than a menopausal woman with zest.” “This, she said, is freedom.”
Research backs her up. As older women we are entering our most rewarding and productive years. A British Psychological Society study found that most women felt better at 60 than they had done at 40. Our cognitive function and memory improve, as does our overall quality of life. Another study from the Royal College of Psychiatrists found that depression in women decreases after menopause. We are less anxious, more calm and we have more drive and motivation.
Women also become more comfortable with speaking out as they get older. Our mothers were part of the silent generation, socialized to stay quiet - but we have found our voice. We are confidently speaking our truth - we’ll tell you if we don’t agree, we don’t really care if you aren’t pleased and if our opinions sacrifice relationships, so be it. We trust our intuition and instinct to guide us.
In some cultures, in addition to menstruation, marriage and reproduction, there is a 4th rite of passage, when the fertility of the body transforms into the fertility of the spirit. This is not a transition into decline or invisibility. This is a time when our voices ripen and grow stronger. We are the embodiment of feminine wisdom. We can influence, empower and provide strength. We are not women with sagging breasts who have outlived our gifts and purpose, but rather, as Crone Wisdom writes, we are wise-women who have crossed the developmental threshold that marks each of us as ‘a woman unto herself’. We are focusing our soul-centric work to find our authentic self. And we will share our gifts with those around us.