Covering My Butt
I’m chuckling to myself as I write this blog post title because I am imagining your curiosity, maybe tinged with a bit of sensationalism as you wonder, what has she done that she needs to cover her butt?
Well, literally, this blog post is actually about covering my butt!
Life has been quite stressful this past week because of my mother’s hip fracture and I have barely been able to hold my head above water. I don’t know about you – but my stress usually surfaces from worrying about things that I think may happen. I then find myself turning to Byron Katie’s book, The Four Questions, about Henny Penny, a chicken who believes the sky is falling. I was introduced to Byron Katie many years ago on the Oprah Winfrey show and I remember crying as I listened to the simplicity of her four questions. Byron’s four questions are enough – usually – to pull me out of my anxiety.
Henny Penny gets hit in the head by an acorn and runs in circles crying, “Help! Help! The sky is falling!” The farm animals ask her four questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without that thought?
The work goes deeper with an exercise to turn the worry around to its opposite but for me, these four questions are usually sufficient to bring me some peace. I am only touching the surface of her work and you may want to explore her approach if you are intrigued. I have seen videos of her working with adults and her practice is powerful.
But I am rambling – such is my mind when I am feeling overwhelmed – I find it difficult to focus. Let’s get back to covering my butt!
It all started a couple of weeks ago when I noticed that Knixwear was targeting me on Facebook. Knixwear makes wireless bras, seamless underwear, and bathing suits but I wasn’t being targeted for any of those, no, the ads that showed up on my Facebook feed were all for leak-proof underwear! It seems I now fit that demographic of women who may struggle with some urinary incontinence.
Now I admit, usually, after a long walk with the dog I desperately need to pee, and I struggle to hold it in as I fumble with the lock on the front door! I’ve always put that down to a sort of Pavlovian response, much like a dog salivating, knowing he will be getting a treat. That toilet is so near! And every time I think I should have done more Kegels! I have since learned about LBL, light bladder leakage, which can happen from laughing, coughing, sneezing, and exercise. And yes, it seems LBL is creeping up on me because a sudden need or rush to urinate also fits the profile.
Then this week I was at the pharmacy getting some adult diapers for my mother. She doesn’t need them but the struggle to get from her bed to the toilet with a fractured hip in the middle of the night is slow, and we don’t want her to have to needlessly worry about making it in time. I thought I would be choosing between two brands but the whole back wall of the pharmacy ranged from adult diapers to pads, liners, and underwear for LBL. I looked for leak-proof underwear that were pretty, that would make my mother feel like she was not wearing a diaper. But even the products created by Poise, pink with a flowered pattern, looked more like a diaper than a pair of underwear.
Now, this may all seem disconnected but my mind connects thoughts in seemingly unrelated ways – although they always make perfect sense to me. My husband points at a truck and says, that’s the kind of truck I’m thinking of getting – and I respond by saying, we need to pick up blueberries. Why, because the truck is blue - doesn’t that make total sense?
So, in the back of my mind, as I am entering the LBL world, I am thinking that I have to carve out some time to head to Hudson’s Bay to buy new underwear. Oh yes, that was another connection this week, an article about older women who enjoy wearing sexy lingerie and who still wear thongs. Confession time, I have never worn a thong! Ever! I have never understood why women would want to have their butt cheeks hanging out. I also never understood why women would want to wear boyshorts, you know, the underwear that cover only half your ass. Now those I have tried, and found myself constantly yanking on them in an attempt to cover up!
And now we come to covering my butt. An aside – I did think of calling this blog post Covering My Ass but thought I might get too many weirdos googling the word ‘ass’ and finding their way to my blog!
I’m hoping some of you feel the same as me, I like underwear that reach up almost to my waist and reach down to cover my butt cheeks. I like full coverage. My underwear drawer is difficult to close these days because every time I gain ten pounds, I need new underwear. Since the start of the pandemic, I have gained fifteen pounds and I have gone up two underwear sizes. I headed off to Hudson Bay where they always have a large selection and usually good sales.
I came home with six pairs of Bali, 2XL underwear. I cringe a bit as I write this; the packaging states that 2XL is for women who wear a size 22-24! I was so embarrassed I actually told the sales clerk I was buying them for my mother. So now I can add shame to all the negative emotions I am feeling this week! I don’t wear a size 22, in fact, I slipped into a pair of size 12 Banana Republic jeans this morning. It’s just that I want underwear that cover my butt! I put them on under my jeans and they fit like a second skin. I expect one day I will be heading to the back wall of the pharmacy looking for some LBL coverage, but for now I’m happy all I need is butt coverage!