A Bed of One's Own
“When you’re older, you’ll appreciate the advantages of sleeping alone.”
I doubt my husband has even boarded his flight yet and already the sheets are spinning in the washing machine and the duvet is airing on the balcony – all in readiness of having the bed to myself for a whole week! Now don’t get me wrong, I miss my husband when he’s gone. I miss curling up with him on the couch and catching up at the end of the day. I miss our long walks with the dog and our weekly dinner at the local pub. I even miss him in our bed – for all the obvious reasons - this is not a commentary of our intimate relationship! But oh, the luxury of having the bed all to myself!
Once the sheets are dry I will stretch the fitted sheet on the bed with such precision it would pass military inspection. The rest of the bedding can remain slightly rumpled – much like the cozy nests we would make as children. You’re probably thinking that I like my bed – and you’d be right. I’m the woman who called Pacific Sands Beach Resort after our week’s stay to find out what pillows they use. Those same pillows now grace our bed.
The anticipation of having the bed to myself is almost as fulfilling. Sunlight streams on to the bed at about 2:30 in the afternoon on a sunny day. I’ve already checked the weather network for the weekly forecast and coordinated it with my schedule to plan a couple of mid-afternoon naps. Later today, my daughters are coming for drinks and appetizers, and I always love visiting with them. Mind you, I am hoping they won’t stay too late because I’ve just borrowed The Benefit of Hindsight by Susan Hill from the library and I can’t wait to crawl into bed with Simon Serrailler, one of my favourite British DCs.
Books and afternoon naps are not the only things that draw me to my bed - and even when my husband is home I’ll take afternoon naps and head early to bed with a book. No, as I get older there are several other reasons that I enjoy a bed of my own.
Stretching My Weary Bones
I love slipping between cool sheets at the end of the day and drifting off to sleep, but it’s not long before I wake from the ache in my knees and hips. The only relief is to stretch out but unfortunately there just isn’t room to do that – unless I have the bed to myself.
Rattling the Shingles
I still find it hard to believe, but it seems that over the last few years I have begun snoring loud enough to rattle the shingles. The snoring doesn’t bother me, in fact, my deepest sleep happens when I snore. But therein lies the problem, my darling husband who is lying awake beside me because of the noise, does not want to disturb my deep sleep, so he spends a restless night while I happily slumber. And knowing this, many nights I try not to fall into a deep sleep – and then I don’t have a good sleep! I don’t worry about snoring at all when I have the bed to myself, although the neighbours may wonder about the rumbling coming from our bedroom window.
Hot, Cold or Sweating
I’m sure I’m not the only one who also struggled with night sweats. The natural supplement, MenoSense, has eased my night sweats but my body still runs hot and cold most nights. Our duvet sees a lot of action during the night - at least when I’m sleeping alone that constant action doesn’t keep my husband awake!
Silky Tendrils of Anxiety
Just like Inspector Alan Banks in Peter Robinson’s mystery series, the silky tendrils of anxiety also start to slink in and twist around my thoughts and memories around four in the morning. When I am alone I usually get up, make myself a cup of lemon ginger tea with agave, then crawl back into bed and listen to some soothing music while reading or writing. When my husband is home I follow the same routine, heading to the living room instead of back to our bed. Without fail my husband will peek around the corner within 15 minutes to see if I’m okay, bless his heart, but then we both have our sleep interrupted.
Creative Juices Flow Early
I’m not sure if I should refer to creative juices flowing when I’m talking about what happens in my bed – but I couldn’t resist! My thoughts and memories may be anxiety-filled at 4 am but when I wake up in the morning, my head is bursting full of ideas, blog themes, and snippets I want to put to paper. My ideal morning routine is to get up at 6 am, make myself a cup of coffee and then curl up back in bed with my computer and writing pad for 2 to 3 hours. My husband would say I can do that even when he’s home as he’s always up that early, but it’s not that simple. The solitude of having the bed – actually the whole bedroom - to myself is what I need, without interruptions. His morning routine would clash with my morning routine and then by the time he heads out the door my creativity would have waned.
All these reasons had me thinking that I couldn’t be the only one who enjoys a bed of my own. A quick Google search of the keywords ‘benefits of sleeping alone’ resulted in so many hits that I could have disappeared down a rabbit hole! None of the information I found was surprising. It seems as many as 40% of couples will sleep in different beds at some point, and 1 in 4 couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds. What did surprise me is that there is actually a term for this - sleep divorce. And it seems there is a fair bit of public shaming about sleeping in separate beds, despite research that states sleeping in separate beds can spice up your love life. One woman reported that she just whistles down the hall and her husband comes running, and once they are satiated she contentedly falls asleep, stretching, snoring and alone!
I am already blessed to have a room of my own filled with plants, books, and art that overlooks a beautiful garden, a space that gives me peace and lends itself to creativity. I should be satisfied. But I admit, I am tempted at the thought of also having a bed all to myself. Even Virginia Woolf, who suggested in A Room of One’s Own that solitude is a prerequisite for creativity, slept apart from her husband, Leonard.